Following the Cloud - The Move to Ohio

Prologue

In Numbers chapter 9, we find the Israelites are on their exodus out of Egypt. They are now near Sinai, heading towards the Promised Land. By God's call and dramatic providence, the Israelites were able to leave slavery and were told of a land that was to be theirs for all generations to come. The journey took them over 40 years and was full of death, sickness, and grumbling. There were repeated rare moments of immediate obedience, but more often than not, God had to display his power and judgment to get them moving.

This migration for the Israelites was not as easy as going from point A to point B, they had to trust God every single step of the way. Trust him for food that came from the skies, trust him for water that came from the rock, and trust him for direction which came often by the cloud. Numbers 9:15-23

15 On the day that the tabernacle was set up, the cloud covered the tabernacle, the tent of the testimony. And at evening it was over the tabernacle like the appearance of fire until morning.

16 So it was always: the cloud covered it by day and the appearance of fire by night.

17 And whenever the cloud lifted from over the tent, after that the people of Israel set out, and in the place where the cloud settled down, there the people of Israel camped.

18 At the command of the LORD the people of Israel set out, and at the command of the LORD they camped. As long as the cloud rested over the tabernacle, they remained in camp.

19 Even when the cloud continued over the tabernacle many days, the people of Israel kept the charge of the LORD and did not set out.

20 Sometimes the cloud was a few days over the tabernacle, and according to the command of the LORD they remained in camp; then according to the command of the LORD they set out.

21 And sometimes the cloud remained from evening until morning. And when the cloud lifted in the morning, they set out, or if it continued for a day and a night, when the cloud lifted they set out.

22 Whether it was two days, or a month, or a longer time, that the cloud continued over the tabernacle, abiding there, the people of Israel remained in camp and did not set out, but when it lifted they set out.

23 At the command of the LORD they camped, and at the command of the LORD they set out. They kept the charge of the LORD, at the command of the LORD by Moses.

So over the tabernacle, there was a cloud in the day and fire by night. The cloud maintained its position for an unpredictable amount of time; sometimes a few hours, sometimes months. It wasn't for the Israelites to question or complain about this, they were supposed to obey and know that God was taking care of all their needs. Moreover, this move wasn't just about them. They carried the responsibility and burden of repositioning a people group (the Israelites) out of Egypt and into their God-given permanent home, for all generations. Immerse yourself in the walking, the heat, the uncertainty in direction, the setting up, and then the tearing down of the tents. Empathize with the battles over pastures, the adjustment to new weather patterns, and ultimately the loss of all security, other than the security that comes from the very visible God (that just demonstrated he is all-powerful and clearly has an agenda for your people).

...and well, more than 3,000 years later, I find myself on a much less climactic, but similar journey of trust. Trusting God into a new era comes with uncertainty that requires remembering God's faithfulness in my life. I know I'm not alone in this. I would confidently believe that any Christian walking in obedience will at some point be asked to get up and make a change that seems unorthodox, illogical, and almost reckless. As daunting as it is to follow the cloud, "safe" Christianity that builds your portfolio, wallet, and popularity, is far more terrifying to me, because then I have to pause and with perturbed wonder question whether I really know the God that has called me to "come and die."

Chapter 1: Israel a Yellow Light

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Since completing my Master of Arts in Organizational Leadership in 2020, I had a growing desire to pursue a more biblically focused degree that would enhance my teaching and set me up for a doctorate down the road. I had my gaze set on an amazing university in Israel called, Jerusalem University College. However, it was around the same time I finished my master's, that the door of ministry opened for me as the Associate Pastor at Bellevue Neighborhood Church. Yet, Dina and I agreed that after this assignment, we would head to Israel. While the role had challenges, we loved our time at BNC and when our new lead pastor was elected to come in August 2023, we felt the Spirit tell us that our mission at the church was coming to an end. While we could have gone to Israel immediately in August, we felt that was too soon to finish well and believed some overlap would be most helpful to the church and our incoming pastor.

So, we delayed a semester and had our date of departure for January 2024. In the meantime, we continued in our roles at the church, started selling some belongings, and moved out of the parsonage into my parent's basement. We rented out our condo as an investment for passive income while we would be abroad. Everything seemed ok. Yet, I would always tell Dina and those close enough to care, that I felt a "yellow light" about Israel. Like God was saying we can proceed with caution, but maybe that isn't our final destination. Which, what can you do with that? I suppose it's a helpful reminder looking back, that God was speaking, but in the moment it leaves you unsettled. Maybe like the Israelites felt every time they set up camp, knowing they would be packing up again soon enough.

For those that remember the narrative, on October 7th, 2023, Israel was attacked and then began the war that continues to this day. Dina and I felt that moving to Israel in the middle of a war was, yes, not wise, but also, not something we felt God was calling us to do. If God had asked us to be missionaries there during a time of war, we would have said "yes." Yet, this move was for studies and the moment we heard, the "yellow light" feeling I had began to make sense.

So with one foot out the door in Washington and the other hovering over a void of unknown, we prayed and waited.

Enter Ohio...We had considered Ohio as an option after Israel for many reasons: it was more affordable than Washington, more family-friendly, we had close friends that lived there, a good place to start anew and experiment with ministry options. Perhaps we could start a coffee shop, a church, or a non-profit. The possibilities seemed wide, but we also had a 3-year gap during school to consider alternatives. We acknowledged God could very well lead us anywhere he wanted to after Israel and we were ok with that.

Suddenly, that 3-year gap became a few-week gap, as we had already given notice of our transition. Although our lead pastor was gracious and said we were welcome to stay, we first felt God was somehow in this change, and second, we were no longer positioned well to be ministers in Bellevue. We had moved 45 minutes south into my parent's house, we had sold much of our belongings and had rented out our condo to a tenant who...plays by his own rules let's just say.

Chapter 2: The Cloud Moves East, but Stops Short

"We must not put Christ to the test, as some of them did and were destroyed by serpents, nor grumble, as some of them did and were destroyed by the Destroyer." 1 Corinthians 10:9

The cloud was moving and though it went east, it did stop much sooner than we had anticipated. We started looking at homes in Ohio (and other areas), dreaming about how much the West Coast dollar stretches. Yet, we thought it more wise to rent a home wherever we go and try out the area for a year and then see from there.

You might be thinking there were many other options in Washington that didn't require us to move elsewhere. And yes, that is true. We could have tried to stay at our church or found another position in the area, or even a secular job if need be. I'll say it this way, when God is leading, he navigates our hearts in a way that gives credence to one way more than another, even in the face of logic.

Proverbs 21:1 says "The king's heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; he turns it wherever he will."

Second, there is context needed to explain our state of mind at the time of this decision as well. Not to say it wasn't God led, because God navigates our circumstances and the sum outcome of them all; when we seek his will. At this time, I had felt exhausted after almost a year of being an associate pastor without a lead pastor. This put on me a greater responsibility and burden, that I didn't necessarily sign up for, of course, I was willing to for Jesus and his church. The nature of the exit of our previous lead pastor, worship, and kids pastor, (all within a matter of 4 months) was emotionally and spiritually taxing. We were new parents of a baby girl under 1. We had moved 8 times since the beginning of our marriage, and I think both my wife and I were ready for stability.

Being an international couple, we had family in WA, Mexico, and Greece. Not much other than friends in between. A change of states was actually less drastic of a move than it could have been. Furthermore, my parents were walking through their own decisions that were changing the security of "home" forever. Living in the basement of that home was a blessing, but also untimely.

To say it concisely, our hearts were ready for change. We just didn't have much of a certainty of where, until October 28th. It was a Saturday morning and I was upstairs making a coffee, when I got a text from Dina with a house listing in Ohio. At this point, we had agreed to not even look into buying a home until we felt God had spoken.

I took one look at the listing and I fell in love immediately. Yes, it's a gorgeous home, but it also reminded me of my parent's home and other details that just felt like we had designed it ourselves. So I tell Dina this, and she tells me she feels the same...

In our excitement, I remembered a realtor I had met in Ohio to whom I could send the listing to and get some more info, but I held off because a good idea isn't necessarily a God idea. We paused and prayed. We prayed, "God, we love this home. We are excited and feel a stirring, but this is a huge decision and we need you to lead. Please open the right doors for us, and slam shut the doors we aren't meant to walk through. Amen."

This is where God spoke louder...the moment we said "Amen." I got a buzz in my pocket and I looked at the text. It was from my old youth pastor, who also happened to be my realtor in WA, whom I didn't mention anything relating to Ohio or purchasing a home. But in his text, he said, "Prayed for you and your family this morning...For wisdom, clarity, favor and open doors. God's got you!"

In awe, Dina and I felt God had spoken. Not everything we needed to hear, but just enough to allow our feet to take one more step forward. We reached out to the realtor in Ohio, she Zoom called a house tour for us the next day, and that night we put an offer on the home. A couple of days later, the offer was accepted over 3 other offers put in on opening weekend.

A couple weeks later we flew out to Ohio to do a house inspection and I thought it was funny, but the owners of the home wanted to meet us. I guess they were curious about the young family of 3 that would soon move into the house they planned on dying in.

When we met Tom and Carrol, one of the first things Tom said to me was, "Now can I ask you, what in your right mind possessed you to buy a home without even looking at it? If I was your father, I would have rung your neck!"

I said to him, "Well, sir, I'm a Christian...and" He interupts me and says, "Me too...well a Catholic." I continue, "and I believe God spoke to us and led us to this home." Much to my surprise, this older man starts tearing up and says, "You know what, I think you're right. I call them divine appointments. When Carol and I saw your names on the offer you sent, I knew this house was for you." Then I really leaned in. He continued, "My brother who died 8 years ago had a wife named Dina and they had a son, my nephew, his name is Brandon. Those are not two names you see every day!"

He went on to tell me about how he had gotten sick and thought he would die. So he heavily invested into the home to prepare it for his wife so she wouldn't have to take care of anything for the next few years. He installed a new roof, a new security system, new appliances, and much more. To this day, I get visitors that ask me how old the home is and they're surprised when I say it's over 20 years old because it looks like it's less than 10 years old. Tom and Carol took good care of this home. I know because Tom left me stacks of notes of every single time someone came to service something on the house! I'm tearing up as I write this, just realizing so much can go wrong with a home, we bypassed a personal and professional inspection, in faith, and have found this home to be in spectacular condition. God's kindness is a cup overflowing.

Tom told me he had never imagined selling this home, but when he "forgot to die" he realized it is better for them to go live with their kids and grandkids in Arizona. I know it was heartbreaking for them to part with a home they invested so much design and love into, and yet, I think they left with some peace once they met us. Besides, we still call each other every so often. They love seeing Esther! Kind of strange for a buyer-seller relationship, right? :) God is good.

Chapter 3: A Sabbatical, maybe?

"The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9

Much to Dina and I's surprise (and everyone else's) we had a home in Ohio! Dina is a type B personality and I'm a soft type A. But I like to know what the plan is! Likely, as the man of the house, you want to know that you can take care of your family. Though I had just witnessed God speak about this home and all the confirmations that came with it, so with elevated faith, we settled on worrying about details later.

Back in September, a pastor friend of mine had just wrapped up his sabbatical, and coincidentally and simultaneously, God had aligned his steps to go to Ohio as well, but that possibility didn't actualize until a couple of months later. I met up with him for a lunch in California while visiting my brother, and I explained that I wasn't sure where we were headed. I gave him some background on my family situation, the church transitions, and my feelings of exhaustion in ministry. He gave me insight by sharing his own experiences coming out of his sabbatical, and I decided an intentional pause would benefit Dina and me before any big decisions were made. I needed to regain a love for people, God, and ministry that wasn't out of obligation, but out of connectedness to the Vine.

Dina and I did two weeks of ministerial counseling and then began a sabbatical series to prepare us for a weeklong trip to Mexico. Originally, Mexico was going to be a month-long trip, but with the purchase of our home, and a couple ministry events in December, our allotted time for a sabbatical was significantly reduced. I didn't care too much though, because part of me felt this was a "good" thing to do, but not necessarily something I felt like God was requiring of me.

So our sabbatical became a "mini-sabbatical" and then our mini-sabbatical became a fun getaway with friends, with moments of prayer and worship. I kept telling Dina that our first month in Ohio would be our sabbatical as we got settled in. The mini-sabbatical refreshed us momentarily, like a breeze on a hot day. What I see now is that God was calling us to do invasive repair work.

We came back to Washington, closed on the home, had a couple of Christmas, birthday, and going-away parties, and then with the help of friends, packed a U-Haul full of our stuff and drove across the country at the beginning of winter. That drive was memorable, as we were continually ahead of a snowstorm that shut down the highways behind us. I thank my church for all their prayers for us on that trip!

The glory cloud settled in Liberty Township, Ohio. A Mexican/American man, and a woman from Greece, and their 1-year-old daughter. They'd expected to be moving to Israel around that time, but instead, they were led to a new land neither of them had roots in. A few friends, a church they were excited to get involved with, a beautiful home God had blessed them with, and so many unanswered questions. The call for a sabbatical lingered, yet I marched on. We had time to transition, settle, and build our community; so I thought. Perhaps I had forgotten that we are on God's schedule, and well, not the other way around.

Chapter 4: Everything Suddenly Changed

"Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit" yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." -James 4:13-14

I had expectations moving here. Even though Ohio was a pivot move, I still had ideas for income and purpose lined up. We had just launched the Moate Family Foundation and this was meant to be the biggest year of growth yet. I would go on trips to scout out potential new ministry partners and expand our giving portfolio, but what we found out in February was that we would barely have enough to sustain the commitments we currently had.

I still wanted to be a student and get my master's in some biblical study relating to the Ancient Near East. This is something that would empower me to better teach the Bible as a continuous story by knowing the context, language, historical, and cultural backgrounds of the Jewish people. I learned in June 2023, while on a trip to Israel with New Heights Church, that a professor I admire studied at Jerusalem University College and then moved to Cincinnati to get his doctorate from Hebrew Union College. I thought those would be my steps. First I'd go to Israel and then we'd go to Ohio for my doctorate. Then in January, when moving to Israel became moving to Ohio, I set my mind on applying to Hebrew Union College and getting my M.A. in Jewish Studies. The school was just 25 minutes away from our new home. Now imagine my bafflement upon discovering that after many, many years of operation, the program would move from Ohio to New York this fall.

There were a couple of teaching opportunities I had tentatively lined up for when we moved here. The first one was at a small Christian university starting up near me. Turns out they've been in a sinking boat and didn't know how bad their finances were until a new president came into the picture. Not much I can do there.

Another leg of this metaphorical chair unfastened when a friend got promoted. I was in communication with a biblical tour group that had promised to begin training me in the spring. Which, wouldn't give me much financially at first, but it would put me in the world I wanted to be in. I'd be a teacher of the biblical lands to pastors and students in a global context I was uniquely familiar with. After months of radio silence, the director of the program received a promotion, and thus began big organizational shifts that left me falling into the gaps of change. A war in Israel also significantly cuts the need for more teachers.

If all the doors are blocked, why not carve a hole out of the roof? We had some wiggle room financially and also had a condo in Kirkland we could sell and perhaps start a business of our own! Except, remember that tenant I mentioned? The one that plays by his own rules. Turns out this guy is famous-infamous more accurately. After an embarrassing amount of negotiating and agreements that fell through, I did the research I should have done before signing his lease. Turns out he owes a lot of money to a lot of people. Then, by God's providence, we happened to find out subtenants were renting our condo, against the lease, and paying our tenant. He is a crafty weasel, to say the least. In King County, a guy like him can take advantage of the renter's law and not fear an eviction. Yes, this is likely one of many condos being held hostage by the same man. I don't have a hearing for eviction until 3 months after his lease ends...We have prayed, and others have prayed, and I know God has heard us. Yet, this isn't the first time God has used a stubborn mule to block my path. The financial freedom to create our own path via selling an investment is currently locked firmly in place.

I was perfectly pinned against shifting sands and the Rock of Ages. Perhaps some other stronger-willed humans would have continued to bullishly ram down walls until a way opened up. However, I have seen the hand of God before and I'm somewhat familiar with the sum of uncanny coincidences. The last thing I want is to be fighting the hand of God, especially when I'm asking him to lead. In almost humorous surrender, I had nothing left but to lift my hands and bow my head.

Chapter 5: The Wilderness

"I have learned to kiss the waves that throw me against the Rock of Ages." -Charles Spurgeon

Slaves to Egypt no longer, the people of Israel now traversed the dry path to a land unknown to them, promised by God alone. Uncertainty and weariness quickly overshadowed their sense of security in God, and looking backward, they began to crave the scourging stability of Egypt. Yes, even if they had to continue as slaves, at least they knew what to expect each day. Numbers 14:1-4

That night all the members of the community raised their voices and wept aloud. All the Israelites grumbled against Moses and Aaron, and the whole assembly said to them, “If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this wilderness! Why is the Lord bringing us to this land only to let us fall by the sword? Our wives and children will be taken as plunder. Wouldn’t it be better for us to go back to Egypt?” And they said to each other, “We should choose a leader and go back to Egypt.”

It can be so challenging to follow God, not because he isn't good or worthy, not because he hasn't proved himself in the past either, but because our nature fights against his. Of course, I have questioned our decision to move here. I have wondered if there's more I need to be doing every single day. It's like I'm walking on a treadmill when I see everyone else around me riding horses. I'm in med camp and all my friends are out fighting the war. I'm wandering the desert and sometimes the urge to turn back swells into pain.

In May, I had the opportunity to go with Jerusalem University College on a trip to Jordan as a part of the online class I took in the fall. *Silly me thought I'd be getting ahead of my classmates by jumpstarting my degree before I got to campus. The picture below is a picture I took in Feinan in southern Jordan, which is the biblical spot called Punon. Punon is mentioned in Numbers 33:42-43, which tells us that the Israelites traveled from Zalmonah to Punon and from Punon to Oboth. Numbers 21 tells us that before going to Oboth, on their way to Edom, the Israelites grumbled and in the wilderness, snakes broke out. Here is an amazing Old Testament story that points to Christ, as Moses is commanded by God to create a bronze serpent and place it on a pole, so that anyone who looks upon it shall be healed of the venomous snake bite.

There is so much soteriology and Christology to unpack in this story but for now, my point is that I got to go to this "wilderness" and see for myself that there is just about nothing here. It's hot, dry, rocky, and looks like you're going absolutely nowhere for miles. Numbers 21:4-7 says this:

4 But the people grew impatient on the way;

5 they spoke against God and against Moses, and said, “Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? There is no bread! There is no water! And we detest this miserable food!”

6 Then the LORD sent venomous snakes among them; they bit the people and many Israelites died.

7 The people came to Moses and said, “We sinned when we spoke against the LORD and against you. Pray that the LORD will take the snakes away from us.” So Moses prayed for the people.

Once again, the Israelites grew impatient and doubted the goodness and faithfulness of God. The same God who demonstrated his power through the 10 plagues in Egypt. The same God that parted the waters and swallowed up Pharoah - the instrument of the gods of Egypt. The same God that provided bread and meat in the land featured in the photo above.

I used to scoff at the Israelites for their unbelief. Yet here I am, in a parallel holding pattern and not for the first time in my life either, and wrestle believing God is leading me anywhere. I wish I could say that every day I wake up with joy and unshakable confidence that God is up to something and resolution is coming. But, I have my moments and I am riddled with weakness.

Has God left me? No. I have everything I need. I have been provided for at the right moments. Still, though, I forget. Sometimes, I choose doubt because then at least it feels like I have some control. What I thought would be a mini-sabbatical in Cabo, then evolved into a month of settling in Ohio, has now turned into what I call a "forced sabbatical" of almost 9 months now, and still going...

Chapter 6: The Space Between

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." -Hebrews 12:2

Continued, daily surrender. Cycles of reminding yourself God is in control, not me. God is faithful. God is good. He desires to use me, to finish the work of faith he started in me. Less of me, more of him. Die to my flesh and fixate my mind on the things above. Though I repeat this mantra, though I pray, though I read my word, there isn't a day I haven't wandered from strength.

You may be thinking, have perspective, Brandon! I get to enjoy life, spend time at home, and be a good husband, father, and friend in this season. Yes, there is truth here. Surrendering to God, making the most of each day, pursuing his presence and voice, and loving those around me...this is the call for all believers. This restful routine is defiant towards our hurried culture and renaissance to my nature. I have had to learn this way of peace in the last 9 months. It is contentment with the day the Lord has for you and setting aside all wistful longing for more in life, because, well, Christ is the source of true life. Christ will establish us and he has even prepared good works for us to complete. I will not argue this perspective, because it is for all believers to follow.

There is, however, another truth, that seems to clash against this first truth but is more of a harmony in perfect view. This truth is messier because it pertains to the continuous surgery of sanctification God must perform on us, in order to get us to the place in which the first truth becomes our first nature; all the time.

All of us are born into sin. We are spiritual beings coated in flesh. This flesh fights God. It is not comfortable with his way of operating. It doesn't like to trust him, surrender to him, and take control out of our own hands. It is called, "dying to self" for a reason. I have never done it, but I have heard dying is usually a painful process.

God has instilled within all individuals a unique calling, a personal set of talents, experiences, and gifts that are meant to be used for his great mission. For a rare some, that calling is to nestle in a monastary and pray fervently for the world, removed from outer distractions. For most, that calling is daily interaction with non-believers and cultural immersion into the kingdom of darkness. Christians are called the light of the world, not to be white crayons on printing paper, but to illuminate what was once hidden. But one does not simply enter a battle with untrained hands or know to withstand a volley of attacks without ever learning defense. This is the second truth: that while we are to rest in God and be secure in him, he also calls us to run our race. We are both still each day before him and we are active in his calling.

So yes, I have had to learn to rest in God, against my fleshly nature. To this day, I have not yet perfected the art of fully trusting a perfectly good God who loves me and declares he'll provide all that I need in this life. In some stages of life, I think I've felt that confidence in his character and in our relationship, but then a new phase of life approaches, which encompasses new fears. Now I have a family. Now we don't have a safety net. Does God see all this, and am I doing enough for him? Does that even matter?

As I wait, I get stronger in him. I yearn for what's next and I am getting excited. Before it was anxiety-focused, driven out of need and desperation. Now, I feel I'm getting better. The reason? Because he is hacking away at the burdens I've accepted as solely mine, the lies I've incorporated into my psyche, the wounds I've gotten used to. The hurts I've held onto and the unforgiveness that poisons me, he desires it all. He is uncovering pain I didn't know I had and he is offering to bring healing. And to think, someone as broken as me was being used as a pastor. It'll never be about being good enough for God to use you, but it's about truth number 1. Can we stay still in the place of his love? Can we remain connected to the vine, when hell comes our way? I couldn't. So he called me to this space in between. To remember, to relearn, to have something worth writing about.

There is a poem written by Judy Brown called "Fire", that I sometimes recall. It has encouraged me in the times where I'm departed yet not arrived.

What makes a fire burn

is space between the logs,

a breathing space.

Too much of a good thing,

too many logs

packed in too tight

can douse the flames

almost as surely

as a pail of water would.

So building fires

requires attention

to the spaces in between,

as much as to the wood.

When we are able to build

open spaces

in the same way

we have learned

to pile on the logs,

then we can come to see how

it is fuel, and absence of the fuel

together, that make fire possible.

We only need to lay a log

lightly from time to time.

A fire

grows

simply because the space is there,

with openings

in which the flame

that knows just how it wants to burn

can find its way.

Chapter 7: A Holy God Will Have His Way

"Remember this and stand firm, recall it to mind, you transgressors, remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, 'My Counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose..." -Isaiah 46:8-11

Many died in the wilderness on the way to the promised land. All but 2 people from the generation that lived in Egypt were forbidden from crossing over. Yet, as God said it, it was done. To this day, thousands of years later, the descendants of Jacob reside in Israel and enjoy the fruit of the exodus.

To all who are like me, who have stepped out in faith and have yet to arrive, take courage. Remember, God is both using you now, working in you now, and setting you up for later. These days are a gift. This space in between only grows stronger the passion and love for all that is holy. God disciplines his children out of love, not punishment. He wants whatever piece of resistance you're knowingly or unknowingly holding onto. He journeys with you to the high view, where you can see that his ways are so much better. Let the trial have its full effect. Cutting it too short will only expedite round two.

To those experiencing their own version of David's kingly days. Or like Joseph, your dreams coming true. Remember, the disciplines God taught you. Without him, we can do nothing.

God has a plan and purpose for every single person that ever has been and ever will be born. The more I live, the more I believe that it isn't for us to charter what our path will be. I just see too much of God in the details, even in a fleeting emotion that steers us into serendipitous encounters.

I can't tell you yet why God has brought my family to Ohio, though I eagerly await the day I can write an epilogue. I also couldn't tell you why God cares for the sparrow. I wouldn't communicate with any justice the confounding actions of our savior, why he chooses to spend so much time and effort on a sunken person like me. Gratitude fills my eyes and light splinters through tears.

Perhaps that is an answer to it all.